


worthy of you

by ronanlynchlovebot



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kavinksy is mentioned, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, mentions of past sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25322452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronanlynchlovebot/pseuds/ronanlynchlovebot
Summary: Ronan’s lips are attached to Adam’s neck, careful and methodic. His hands are running up and down Adam’s back, teasing at his shirt. Ronan’s already stripped out of his own.It’s when Adam reaches for Ronan’s belt that Ronan freezes. He shuts his eyes tight, hands going reflexively into fists, breath coming fast and uneven.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 2
Kudos: 131





	worthy of you

**Author's Note:**

> This is super me just projecting onto Ronan and I'm really sorry 
> 
> It ends happily/hopeful tho
> 
> Title from Worthy of You by Plested 
> 
> Detailed warnings in the end notes

Ronan’s lips are attached to Adam’s neck, careful and methodic. His hands are running up and down Adam’s back, teasing at his shirt. Ronan’s already stripped out of his own. 

They’re at the Barns, on Ronan’s bed and Ronan’s basically in Adam’s lap at this point. 

It’s when Adam reaches for Ronan’s belt that Ronan freezes. He shuts his eyes tight, hands going reflexively into fists, breath coming fast and uneven. 

“Ronan?” Adam stops and pulls back to look at him. 

“Mmm?” 

Adam puts a hand on Ronan’s cheek and Ronan flinches. 

“I—I’m sorry,” Adam says quietly. “What’s going on?” 

Ronan swallows and opens his eyes, “nothing. Keep going.” Ronan goes back to kissing Adam’s neck.

Adam gently pushes Ronan back by his shoulders and gives Ronan a look, “you know I’m not going to do that.” 

“Why the fuck not?” Ronan spits back. Challenging Adam, daring him. 

Adam’s eyebrows rise, “excuse me?” 

Ronan continues, venom creeping its way into his voice, “what? Am I not good enough for you Mr. Parrish?” 

Adam sits back, putting distance between them that Ronan can’t help but take notice of. 

“What does that even _mean_ , Ronan?” 

“You think I didn’t notice? You trying to get away from me now? You trying this whole time to stop it.” 

Adam’s confused now, “yeah, just now because you froze when I tried to… you know.” Adam blushes a little just at the mention. 

Ronan scoffs, pulling a knee into his chest, “yeah, sure.” 

“Ronan, babe, talk to me.” 

Ronan tries not to flinch at the pet name. 

“There’s nothing to fucking talk about.” 

It’s silent for a beat. Both of their minds going to the worst places they know. 

“What happened to you?” Adam asks softly, so soft he thinks Ronan might not have heard him. 

“Nothing _happened_ to me,” Ronan finds his tank top and slips it back on. “Fuck off.” 

Adam pushes back because he knows Ronan won’t hurt him. Wouldn’t dare. 

“Ronan,” Adam says, going to grab Ronan’s hand. 

“Fuck off,” Ronan rips his hand away. “Just, fucking go.” 

Adam laughs a bit, “I’m sorry, what?” 

“Leave, Parrish.” 

“Nah.” 

“Get the fuck out,” Ronan stands up, voice raising. 

“You can yell all you want. I’m not fucking leaving you, Lynch.”

“Why not?” Ronan’s voice drops and if Adam didn’t know him better, he’d say he sounded scared.

Adam sighs, “Why didn’t you ever leave me when you dropped me off at my dad's?” 

Ronan blinks, swallows, and answers, “because I was scared for you.”

“Because you cared, yeah?” 

“What are you getting at, Parrish,” Ronan sounded skeptical. 

Adam smiles softly, taking Ronan’s hand and not letting Ronan rip it away this time., guiding Ronan to sit with him. “I’m not leaving you because I care about you and I’m really worried about you. And because I know you shouldn’t be alone right now.” 

Ronan finally meets Adam’s eyes and they’re rimmed with tears and _tired._

“Ro—,” Adam whispers, arm reaching out, and before he knows it, Ronan’s collapsing into his chest. 

“Okay,” Adam says gently, arms coming up to wrap around Ronan protectively. One hand on his back, one on the back of his head. “Okay, I’ve got you.” 

Ronan grabs fistfuls of Adam’s shirt to ground him. He tries to close his eyes, but every time he does he sees—

But if he keeps them open, there’s no chance he won’t cry. 

“You’re safe here. You’re with me, okay? It’s just you and me,” Adam continues, trying his hardest to make Ronan feel safe. To soothe Ronan. 

Adam’s soothing Ronan. It’s comical, to Ronan. That this boy who grew up with abusive and absent parents, who’s had it worse than anyone he’s ever known, is now comforting him. 

“I’m fine,” Ronan tries. 

“Fuck off, Lynch.” 

Ronan nods and lets Adam hold him for a bit longer. 

When Adam sits back to look at Ronan, he thinks Ronan may have fallen asleep. But he’s staring blankly forward. He feels Adam’s gaze. 

“You know,” Ronan says, not looking away from the wall. “You think you’re gonna be different, in uh. In a situation like that. You think you’ll be able to fight back, you think you’ll be strong. But I wasn’t.” 

“You were.” 

“Like fuck I was,” Ronan spits. 

Adam cups Ronan’s face and makes him look into Adam's eyes, “Ronan. Hear me when I say this. You survived and got through it. You are here now. That takes strength.”

“I kept going back to him, Adam,” Ronan says quietly. 

“I kept going back to the trailer.” 

“That’s different!” 

“It really isn’t.” 

Ronan is too tired to fight again. He lays his head back against Adam’s chest. He feels safer there, less exposed. 

“You know, Kavinksy—” 

“Don’t,” Ronan snaps. “Don’t fucking say his name.” 

Adam holds his hands up in surrender, “okay, I’m sorry.” 

It’s silent again, after that. Kavinsky’s name hanging in the air, echoing in Ronan’s ears. 

If he weren’t dead, Adam swears he’d kill him himself. 

“Let’s get into bed, Ronan.” 

Ronan’s grip on Adam tightens. 

“What’s up?” Adam asks. 

“You’re gonna leave me.” 

Adam shakes his head, “I already told you, I’m not leaving.” 

Ronan closes his eyes, “not now. Just, in general. Someday. God, Parrish, I love you so goddamned much. More than anything. And you’re gonna leave.” 

“Lynch, Ronan, we aren’t talking about this right now. You’re too upset and are thinking only bad things. I’m not leaving you, okay? I love you. I promise I do. So let’s drop this for now and get into bed.” 

“Whatever,” Ronan says, but he complies. 

Ronan kicks his boots off and Adam, more dignifiedly, unties his converse. 

“I want to, you know,” Ronan says, once they’re under the covers. “Like, I want you in a sexual way. I just… I can’t yet.” 

Adam smiles softly, “I know, Ronan. It’s okay. We’ll take as long as you need.” 

“That’s… that’s asking a shit ton of you, though.” 

Adam shrugs, “I mean, not really? I love you and want this to be something we both want.” 

“If it changes—”

“It won’t. I want you, Ronan. But only if you want me back.” 

Ronan sighs and lays his head on Adam’s chest. “Yeah, okay.”

Ronan finally falls asleep in Adam’s arms, Adam scratching at his back softly and whispering gentle reminders to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ronan mentions nothing graphic but alludes to the fact that he was sexually abused by Kavinsky


End file.
